Sometimes you just have to blow a fuse! But sometimes a measured slow burn is in order. I don’t really know what is right for when they let you go. As it turned out, I absorbed it and began to move on as pragmatically as possible.
My immediate feeling was of one of deep hurt and betrayal, but I could not show it. I felt I needed to put on a positive front, but inside my heart and soul were raw. I would not allow my feelings to go to that place of blame, but I knew the ghost of rage was hiding in the wings.
My wife on the other hand was pissed! “How could those #42ew@1 do this to you after all you gave them? That was code for “How are we going to get by?” She seethed and grimaced but within a few weeks she was past her upset and back about her routines.
I, though, was scrambling to find a suitable replacement job. Invariably, I felt depressed. I had all the stock lines like “it was meant to be” or “something better will come along” or “the universe will take care of me” or my favorite “I am free to be where I am needed most.” Nine months later, it looks like being in my “closet office” on the computer is where I am needed most.
The depressed mood would linger like burnt toast in the kitchen. Constant battles with self to snap out of my funk were daily events. The “depressive-ness,” in all truth, was my soul telling me “you are right to be colossally angry! They did you very wrong and now your life is upside down, on hold and completely uncertain!”
It’s funny how certain feelings can be transferred into different ones. It’s like quitting smoking and replacing that habit with gum chewing. So now, instead of being angry or depressed, I am just worrying about my uncertain future. I think I need to look into “worry management” and find a way transfer my worry into positive outcomes!